d/s instructions definition kink aftercare sub drop kit sub

10 Ways to Have Better Aftercare

d/s instructions definition kink aftercare sub drop kit sub

During a BDSM scene or play session participants can experience a huge endorphin rush.  Intense pleasure or pain can cause a strong “high”, and it can be a shock when it is all over.  When emotions and endorphins come crashing down subdrop can occur.  Aftercare is what prevents this from happening.  It’s a way for those in a D/s relationship to calm down and slowly get back in touch with reality. If your aftercare has room for improvement, or worse, is nonexistent, then these ideas can help.

Want a free checklist to help you get the most out of aftercare?  Click the button bellow and send it to your partner too! 

1.  Cover up

This is probably one of the most simplest things a Dominant forgets to do.  During a scene a submissive’s body temperature usually increases and afterwards it drops, making the sub cold and uncomfortable.  Before a Dom relaxes he should cover up the sub with a blanket.  If the sub was completely naked they are also probably feeling exposed and vulnerable and this simple act can help them feel at ease.  Plus, after a very intense session a sub is usually too exhausted to cover themselves up.

2.  Verbal reassurance

A sub craves to be told that they are good and that they did a good job.  When their Dom says those words to them, it helps them to emotionally relax.  It’s not uncommon for a sub to have doubts and insecurities after a session.  Knowing they have their Dom’s approval gives them immense satisfaction.  If there was rape play or consensual non-consent during a scene, then it is extremely important for the Dom to be caring and calm, even saying, “I love you,” if it’s appropriate for the relationship.

3.  Cuddle

Just like a sub can be verbally reassured, they can also be physically reassured.  When a Dom holds and cuddles a sub it helps them to feel safe and protected.  Other small ways to make contact include snuggling, petting, pats on the head, and forehead kisses.  Feeling their Dom’s strong arms around them can go a long way in helping establish a sense of security in a D/s relationship.

4.  Water

After an intense scene, both parties should rehydrate.  It is the Dom’s responsibility to get his sub a glass of water to drink.  Drinking water can help prevent headaches, muscles aches, and urinary tract infections. Having two glasses of water nearby before a scene starts is a good habit to get into.

5.  Clean up

BDSM scenes can be quite dirty.  Sweat, lubes, bodily fluids, wax- they all need to be cleaned up.  The Dom can get a towel and wipe up their sub and themselves.  He can also help straighten things back up and put away any toys and other implements.  Sometimes a shower may be needed and the Dom can help wash the sub.  This can be another opportunity to reconnect.

6.  First-aid

A sub may have marks and bruises from a hard and intense kink session.  The Dom can massage limbs that were tied up, and apply lotion to any other sore spots.  Some people swear by arnica cream but any lotion without menthol or alcohol is good.  My favorite to use is shea butter.  Advil (brought with the water from #4) can help prevent swelling and bruising.

7.  Stuffie

Stuffies, or stuffed toys, are another tool in providing aftercare.  Littles especially love stuffies, and having one to cuddle and recuperate with helps them cope and deal with loneliness.  A Dom should bring the stuffy to his little after a play session.  If the little doesn’t own a stuffie this is a good opportunity for the Dom to buy them one.

8.  Orgasm

This one is probably my favorite for obvious reasons.  It may be the farthest thing from their mind after a hard scene but an orgasm can help the sub calm down, and to refocus.  Being beaten and used is a very stressful thing to experience and an orgasm can help a sub release that.  Also the Dom may have already orgasmed and taking care of the sub can help them not feel neglected.

For a simple (and free!) aftercare kit checklist, just click the image below and it will be emailed to you instantly.

9.  Discuss and recap

After all the previous steps have been taken, it’s good for a D/s relationship if both individuals discuss a scene after it’s over.  Doing all the relevant previous steps ensures that they are both calm and relaxed and can talk freely and openly.  This is a good time to figure out what went great, and what you’d like to try next time.

10.  Check-in the next day

Even if you’re married or in a long-term D/s relationship, next day communication is really important.  Subdrop can occur even days after a play session, so even a simple text or phone call can mean a lot.  Journaling can also help a sub to express their emotions productively, and the Dom can even assign a specific writing assignment based on the play session.  Get a FREE printable journal here »

A successful D/s relationship depends not just on hardcore scenes, but also on well planned aftercare.  As you can see, there are so many different ways to ensure that this happens.  Communicate what you need and want afterwards, and the play sessions are sure to keep getting better and better.  🖤

What’s your favorite aftercare technique?  Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  How to go from vanilla to BDSM »

6 thoughts on “10 Ways to Have Better Aftercare”

  1. I may be contracting into a new D/ s relationship with an experienced Dom. I am married happily and the Dom would be weekends/part-time. I don’t see anything on the site addressing this. Is a part-time D/s relationship doable with a non-spouse or a 3rd?

    1. Hi Sarah! A part-time D/s relationship can be doable with a non-spouse. The most important thing is that everyone involved (including the spouse) knows the expectations and limits of the relationship. Make sure that you are being totally transparent with both your Dom and your spouse, and communicate regularly. If you keep the new relationship in the agreed upon boundaries and continue to communicate then it should go fine.

  2. someone is going to get hurt emotionally and physically with infidelity and this kind. Is that part of this? Where does the refrain from cheating come in.

  3. My favorite after care ritual is when my D cleans me. I’m glad to see you covered it here. He takes a warm cloth and wipes me down. Sometimes, he will caress my sensitive areas. I feel so loved and cared for afterwards.

  4. For me Subdrop came 48 hours later. I was so depressed I was going to take every single tablet in my medicine cabinet. The only thing that stopped me was my three cats, they’d probably have to eat me! lol and the fact that nobody would know for days I had gone. I couldn’t stop crying and thinking what am I doing on this earth…

    Luckily I had a call from a friend of mine that was a Dom and he told me what was going on with me, that I was in Subdrop. The moment he said that my mood changed and I was ok!

    It wasn’t a very good play session, I had had too much to drink, I was late to my session, I was being tag teamed with another Dom and the next person was rushing to get their slot so aftercare was non existent and I am pretty sure this is why I went into drop as I am an extremely strong person normally. Plus the enormous bruise that formed from it totally shocked me! You certainly learn by your mistakes and I will never let that happen again. I just wanted to share this so that people can be aware that it can come 48 hours, or longer, after a scene.

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