Sub, submissive, d/s, collar, meaning, etsy, ceremony, jewelry, for everyday wear, necklace, day, relationship, types, training, discreet

BDSM Collars: The Only 2 Types You Need [Photos]

Seeing someone in a collar immediately gives you the impression that they are probably into a kinky lifestyle.  It may even mean they’re a submissive in a longterm, D/s relationship.  But collar etiquette can be confusing.  There are so many different types for different situations: consideration, sub training, posture, play, everyday wear, pet, protection, ownership, ceremony, and eternity, just to name a few.  And what about other discreet BDSM jewelry and necklaces? Let me help you end the intimidation, and make your collar choice a little easier.

Sub, submissive, d/s, collar, meaning, etsy, ceremony, jewelry, for everyday wear, necklace, day, relationship, types, training, discreet

“Collar” meaning in a D/s relationship 

In BDSM, a collar is a symbol of being a submissive, or being owned.  There are no hard and fast rules in this though.  Many people in the kink community wear them just for fun, even if they’re not in a relationship.  But when a Dominant commits himself to a sub he will show this by collaring them. This is usually done in a Collaring Ceremony, and we’ll discuss that later in this article.

The 2 types every submissive needs:

One of the benefits of keeping the collar choices down to two or three is that the submissive becomes attached to it.  This is true both emotionally and physically.  It’s a lot like how pet dogs are more anxious when their collar is removed, and calmer when it is put back on.  Likewise, submissives feel secure and safe in their personal collar.

1.  Collars for play and sub training 

When you think of BDSM, you usually think of these types of collars.  They are sturdy, usually made of some kind of leather type product, and can be locked.  They will also have a d-ring/o-ring for the Dom to grab or attach a leash too.  The purpose for these collars is to train the submissive, and get them in the proper mindset for a scene.  Before a play session, my Dom will have me kneel and he’ll put it around my neck.  Other times, if I am being bratty or disobedient, he will put it on me extra tight so I remember my place as his submissive.  

Sub, submissive, d/s, collar, meaning, etsy, ceremony, jewelry, for everyday wear, necklace, day, relationship, types, training, discreet
My play collar

2.  Discreet “Day Collars” for everyday wear

If you’re not comfortable wearing a Play Collar outside of the house, but still want to show you’re in a D/s relationship, then a discreet, submissive “Day Collar” is perfect.  This is a type of short or tight necklace, usually with an o-ring too.  It’s not as obvious to those that are vanilla, but you may get some curious or knowing looks.  I wear this type of collar everyday, and if I ever forget and leave the house without it then my Dom will punish me.  I’m very proud when I wear my collar, and it gives my life great meaning.

Sub, submissive, d/s, collar, meaning, etsy, ceremony, jewelry, for everyday wear, necklace, day, relationship, types, training, discreet
My discreet day collar
Sub, submissive, d/s, collar, meaning, etsy, ceremony, jewelry, for everyday wear, necklace, day, relationship, types, training, discreet
My dressier day one

The Collar Ceremony and beyond 

When a Dominant decides to make a lifelong commitment of owning their submissive they will symbolize this during a Collaring Ceremony.  Much like a wedding, the Dom and sub will usually say vows and witnesses might be present.  The Dom will then collar the sub, and they will be Master/slave for the rest of their lives.  While there may be traditional collars for this (just like diamond rings are typical for marriage), it’s really a personal choice and should be something you are comfortable with. There can be other rituals besides the ceremony, that are more simpler, such as

  • Having the sub kneel before a scene to receive their play collar
  • Having the sub bring the collar to the Dom as part of punishment
  • Putting a “day” one on before leaving the house

At this point, you may be wondering:

“Can’t I just wear a regular necklace or other type of jewelry?”

While I always want everyone to do what makes them happy and comfortable, collars are best for those in the BDSM lifestyle.  Many vanilla people wear necklaces or other types of jewelry all the time, so if you wore something similar there would be no distinction. There are other benefits to a collar too.  Collars sit close against the sub’s neck, so the Dom sees it every time he looks at his sub, reminding him of their D/s relationship.  A bracelet or ring will not have the same effect.  Also, a collar has a different meaning than other types of jewelry.  Dogs and other animals wear collars, because they are owned.  It is the same for the submissive.

I hope I made BDSM collars a little less complicated for you.  They are extremely beneficial to those in a D/s relationship, and also very sexy to wear.  Have fun finding the right type for you, and be proud of the privilege to collar someone or to be collared by someone.  🖤

All of my collars were bought by my Dom at Etsy, Luxurious Bliss, or from CaptiveLove Jewelry (use code DSLiving10 for 10% off your first order on any item at CaptiveLove).

What are you thoughts about collars? Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  Creating rituals and protocols >>

32 thoughts on “BDSM Collars: The Only 2 Types You Need [Photos]”

  1. What would you recommend for male submissives?

    Not as easy for a male to wear a choker type collar to an office day job.

    Currently we just use a bracelet that has handcuffs in place of the closing clasp.

    1. Great question, Richard! Male subs can definitely wear a collar too. You could have one like my discreet, day one in the picture. Just a simple silver chain, but maybe without the o-ring and not as tight. You could also keep wearing your bracelet if you prefer. But try not to worry too much about what people may think. This is your lifestyle, not their’s, so be proud to be a sub!

  2. I have a sterling silver day collar with a locking heart which my Sir holds the key. I wore this for the first couple years and until we got married. My Sir gave me a beautiful necklace which matches my wedding ring and I have been wearing that instead because I loovvvee it! I do put my day collar on occasionally still, but it’s a little heavy. I have been looking at other styles of day collars which aren’t so heavy in case my Sir ever wants me to go back to wearing one all the time.

  3. I feel sort of heartbroken. My Sir gave me a day collar that I love and wear everyday. All was good and then all of a sudden he pulled away and stopped talking to me and I have no idea why. I don’t know what to do about my collar. It is to fragile to sleep in but each morning it is the first thing I put on. I feel naked without it but dony know if I should even be wearing it any longer.

    1. Oh no! I’m so sorry this happened to you. A Dom should never pull away and stop talking to their sub without telling them why. Tell him respectfully that you would rather him explain to you why he’s acting that way, so you can fix the issue. If he still refuses to communicate with you then you don’t have to wear the collar unless you want to. Many submissives still wear collars even if they don’t have a partner. Focus on staying strong and taking care of yourself. I wish you the best on your journey!

    2. Subs are collared…
      Slaves are owned.
      It would have been nice if you would have also discussed etiquette of collars. For example… the collar is the property of the Dominant. If the dynamic ends, it should be returned to the Dom.
      Not all Doms collar. It should be discussed during vetting if this is something that is important to the sub.

      1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on collars, Trace! It’s hard to fit everything on the subject in one blog post. 😉 But it’s up to the individual Dom/Master/sub/slave if they’re going to incorporate a collar in their relationship. Individuals without a partner can even wear one too! It’s definitely a personal choice. Thanks for visiting! ❤️

  4. My QUEEN and I love your info and work. I’m her sub living in a D/s cuckold FLR marriage. Though I wear a wedding ring she would love to collar her sub but it is very hard to find one that I can wear 24/7. Size is the biggest problem. We have purchased a couple of plan metal collars but they are not large enough to allow for 24/7 wear (size 18 neck) as a former weight lifter. I’m not obese or even fat just having a large neck. Can you please help as my only goal left in life is to see to it that my QUEEN is H3W (happy healthy HORNEY and wet) and formally collaring her sub would add to her dominance and control.

  5. Hello! My Sir and I have been looking for something for him to wear during the day to show his dominant position, but it seems everything is geared toward the sub for day wear. Do you have any suggestions for something he might be able to wear? I have a few different day collars I wear depending on the location.

    1. There are lots of options for Doms, too, Alice! A lot I know have rings representing their Dominance. Others wear cufflinks, or tie clips with engravings. There are even keychains, too.

  6. Hi there. I’m a new sub in my D/s and we’ve been slowly going into this as I’ve been learning and researching by my Doms request. How will I know when he’s ready to get me a collar? I’ve been wanting it for a little while now and just have been discreetly showing him some day collars I’d like to wear for work and around the family. Is there a certain point where he’s going to tell me or is this up to the both of us?

    1. Hi Amanda! There’s really no hard and fast rules when it comes to receiving a collar. If you really want one and think you’re both ready for the commitment, you can tell him respectfully that you would love to wear a collar to show he owns you. In the end it will be his decision. If you really like the idea of a collar though, you could also buy your own to represent being a submissive.

  7. I’m new to this. I’m in a relationship with a Dom. He has told me he is thinking of collaring me. I would be a higher submissive pet. What does this mean? Is it a good thing? I’m hoping to win his heart. Does this mean I’m on my way to achieving this goal? I really love him and love pleasing him.

    1. Congratulations on starting a D/s relationship, Christina! The best person to ask what he means would be him. It could mean a lot of things. It could mean that he has more than one submissive but he considers you higher. Or it could mean he really values you. Keep communicating with him, and I can’t wait to hear how things go!

  8. Hi, I am very new to this!!
    My Sir and I started in a love relationship and now want to explore this as a couple who loves one another first and foremost, I don’t want this to change the dynamics of our relationship, but to enhance!!! So can the two types of relationships coincidence together in an extremely monogamous relationship??
    Also, we have talked about a Contract, however keeping in mind, monogamy and love, do you have any samples of contracts? or any tips/pointers??
    And lastly, types of collars in our unique situation. ( I am assuming that Doms and Subs fall for one another after entering into a contract, not before???) I apologize for my very little knowledge 😇.
    FYI…. I am by nature very passive, vulnerable and submissive, always have been, even as a child (I also am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, mental and physical too!!!!)
    He is a Transman, and Dominant by nature.
    Looking forward to hearing from you, hopefully soon… Thank You, Laurene

    1. Hi Lauren! Congrats on getting started with BDSM.

      The two types of relationships can definitely co-exist in a monogamous relationship. My Dom and I are that way, and you can read more about us here.

      And you can read all about contracts here.

      You can also use the “search” field at the top of this site to see if you can find your answers on the blog.

      Keep learning all you can about the lifestyle, and I can’t wait to hear what progress you make in the future!

  9. My sub and I have actually started something were we both wear collars. Her’s is more the traditional collar to signify my ownership or her, and that she accepts my dominance over her. She has 2 collars one for public and 1 for private.

    However, she also gifted me a necklace (collar) called a kings chain. Which I also wear as a symbol of my responsibility to her.

  10. Hello I’m new to this in an M/s long distance relationship I’m owned and one time he said he wishes to see me in a collar could it mean that I might get my collar soon?

  11. Hi! I’m new to this BDSM. I’m currently married but in the process of separation. I have a friend that introduced me to this BDSM. He wants me to be his slave, but he doesn’t want to wait until I’m completely separated from my husband to start this relationship. He’s already asking me to do things which is difficult to do in my case. I’m really interested in doing this, but maybe it’s not the right time. I’m just afraid he will find someone else to be his submissive.

    1. Sounds like a red flag to me. He should respect your boundaries. If he can’t do that now, who’s to say he will when you’re engaging in active play.

  12. I have a collar however it’s not like one one the pictures show, it’s plastic and stretchy so I can take it off for my work (as agreed), it also has no loop on. We also had no collar ceremony, he showed me a picture of one and I brought it.
    I am also new to being a sub but he seems to be legit in other areas, I haven’t been told what to call him yet or my code words as we have only met once, I also haven’t been told my rules and it makes we wonder constantly if I’m acting wrong in my everyday life

  13. My Sir and I are long distance. He collared me with a pretty necklace with intertwined handcuffs. The handcuffs have meaning not only as a symbol of his ownership of me but also his career as a police officer,. They serve as a reminder and every time I touch or see my collar I say a quick prayer for him. I absolutely love my collar and could not imagine ever taking it off.

  14. Perfection 2 counts. The first is that you say a prayer for your man in blue and probably I hope all LEOs. The 2 Nd is that those of us in the lifestyle whether DOMs or su would I hope automatically recognize the symbolism and hold you out as outstanding. The more you do this wearing your “collar” the more you bring the lifestyle to the forefront. Eventually I this lifestyle will gain public acceptance as has the LGBTQ community. Keep doing it you are doing it right not out protesting burning looting demanding acceptance but quietly and professionally showing the world it is ok to be different which is what the USA has always been about that of acceptance of all not the demands of others that their way is the only way.

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