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BDSM Limits: Learn What’s Hard and Soft

Knowing each other’s boundaries is essential for a healthy BDSM relationship.  Limits should be discussed and respected.  Even if you don’t have a partner yet, it’s good to have your limits already clear in mind so you will be prepared when you’re ready to start playing.

BDSM girl hands tied

Why have limits?

It allows the submissive to explore their sensuality safely.  They never have to be afraid that their Dom is going to do something they don’t want.  They can give up all control, and be free from making decisions. Doms benefit from set rules because it takes the guess work out of what their sub will and won’t do. Both individuals will be able to let go.

There are two kinds of limits, soft and hard:

  • SOFT-  These are things that are acceptable to the sub and they consent to.  You cannot assume that just because someone has agreed to be a sub that they are OK with everything. But once something has been decided upon (hopefully in a contract) it can be freely asked or demanded.

Some examples of Soft Limits are: oral sex, swallowing semen, nipple clamps, spanking, etc.

Another soft limit is the sub’s tolerance of pain.  Light bruises might be OK, but permanent scars may not be.

  • HARD–  Both parties need to specify what they won’t do. Doms can have boundaries too.  Examples of hard limits could be things like wax play or anal sex.

Limits can change over time, and some can be more fluid than others.  For example, a sub may only be comfortable with something like rimming on some occasions, but their Dom has to ask first.  And sometimes boundaries can soften in the presence of alcohol, but even so the Dom should always make sure the sub really wants to and is giving their full consent.

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  • REQUIREMENT LIMITS-  Requirements are not always talked about online when discussing the subject of limits but they deserve to be mentioned. These would be things that a partner has to have. It could be, “I need you to pull my hair when we have sex in doggie style.” Or, “If a punishment makes me cry, good aftercare is a must.”

Remember: Safewords can help establish limits too. If a couple is exploring something new like anal play, safewords can help guide the Dom as to what is acceptable and what is too far.  One of the roles of a good Dom is to push the boundaries of their sub a little, to see what they are and aren’t OK with.

What to do if limits aren’t respected?

This really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of trust, the submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship.

So as you can see, limits benefit of everyone involved. Ultimately they bring more pleasure to the relationship.  🖤

What are your feelings on limits? Share your hard and soft below.

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2 thoughts on “BDSM Limits: Learn What’s Hard and Soft”

  1. I disagree with your definition of “soft limits.” Things you are ok with aren’t really limits. But things that you are interested in but hesitant about exploring are soft limits. The boundaries to them are soft and flexible as the Dom sees fit and the submissive agrees to push and expand slowly.

    1. Thank you so much for your insight! I really appreciate it. I totally agree that soft limits are flexible and can be pushed and expanded slowly by the Dom. Thanks again!

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