Dom, sub, switch, meaning, relationship, vanilla, kink, definition, submissive, dominant, switching, girl, guy, roles

Everything You Need to Know About Being a Switch

When most people think of a BDSM relationship, they usually only think of the Dominant and submissive roles.  The truth is, there are many shades of gray on the kink spectrum. Lots of people enjoy being what’s called a “switch,” and switching from Dom or sub can be a lot of fun. But what exactly is a switch, and how do you do it right? Keep reading to find out.

Dom, sub, switch, meaning, relationship, vanilla, kink, definition, submissive, dominant, switching, girl, guy, roles

The definition and meaning of switch

The definition of a switch is someone who enjoys engaging in both Dominant and submissive roles, or both topping and bottoming.  But what does that mean exactly? Well, the answer is: it depends. Here are some aspects about switching:

  • Switching doesn’t always involve a sexual relationship.
  • You may be a Dom with one partner, but a sub with another.
  • You may enjoy switching, but prefer a specific role.
  • Some couples switch as a way of taking turns.
  • As your life changes, you may switch to fulfill an emotional need.

Some or all of these points may apply to you.  That doesn’t mean you have to label yourself a switch (unless you want to).  Choose the BDSM identity that makes you feel the most comfortable.

Can only a girl switch or can a guy switch too?

The porn industry has perpetuated the idea of one girl topping another girl, while the guy enjoys the show.  Many Doms have this fantasy, but society doesn’t accept it as easily when the roles are reversed.  A guy who is a switch, even if their partner is a girl, may be seen as weak or unmanly. However, gender doesn’t have to play a factor at all when someone decides to switch. It simply involves domination and submission, and both can be enjoyed whether you’re a girl or a guy.

You can switch even if you’re in a vanilla relationship

Switching isn’t just for those in the kink community.  A lot of vanilla couples switch roles in the bedroom either part-time or full-time.  It’s a great way to keep the relationship new and exciting.  Letting your vanilla partner be the more dominant one can help you see what they like and are into.  Taking turns in a vanilla relationship also lets both of you have all your needs fulfilled.  If you’re nervous about bringing up the idea of switching with your partner, you can say something like, “I think it’d be really hot if you took control tonight (or, if I took control tonight).” Just be sure to start slow, and have fun with it!  

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Switching can help you test out the Dom/sub roles

You may be in a Dom/sub relationship, but that doesn’t mean it has to be that way 100% of the time.  Switching can be a way to see what the other side has to offer, and who knows, you may like it more than you think.  I believe switching, even lightly, can help both partners appreciate each other more.  It’s like when a parent and child switch roles for the day.  I think switching can also be a way to see if there’s any aspects of the other side you like, and want to test out and explore in scenes and play sessions.

Kink ideas for the Dominant or submissive switch

There are lots of different ways to enjoy switching and bring more kink to your relationship. To get started, either the Dominant or submissive can just say, “I’d like to try something a little different tonight, how about…”. If you need some inspiration, here are some ideas:

  • Trying a different position during sex where the sub is on top and in control.
  • If the submissive is a girl, having her use a strap-on.
  • The Dom can let the sub try out flogging, paddling, or another punishment tool.
  • Instead of giving commands, say please and ask for permission, or vice versa.
  • Allow topping from the bottom, with the sub doing it more on purpose.
  • The sub can control the Dom’s orgasm by stopping the stimulation and taking a break.
  • The Dom can have to “earn” to be with the sub.
  • The sub can be more bossy and authoritative when they are receiving oral sex.

Important safety note:  If you do switch, make sure safewords are revisited.  If you’re not used to saying them or responding to them, then it’s good to practice.  Also make sure to go over limits, which may be different in your new role.

Whether you’re a Dom or sub, guy or girl, vanilla or into kink, switching can be a lot of fun.  And remember, it doesn’t have to always be sexual.  It can bring more fulfillment in your life, and more meaning to a relationship. You may find that in BDSM, “switch” is the best fit for you.  🖤

Keep reading:  What to do when you don’t have a partner »

Have you tried switching? What are some of the challenges you’ve faced?  Let me know in the comments.

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