Seeing someone in a collar immediately gives you the impression that they are probably into a kinky lifestyle. It may even mean they’re a submissive in a longterm, D/s relationship. But collar etiquette can be confusing. There are so many different types for different situations: consideration, sub training, posture, play, everyday wear, pet, protection, ownership, ceremony, and eternity, just to name a few. And what about other discreet BDSM jewelry and necklaces? Let me help you end the intimidation, and make your collar choice a little easier.
“Collar” meaning in a D/s relationship
In BDSM, a collar is a symbol of being a submissive, or being owned. There are no hard and fast rules in this though. Many people in the kink community wear them just for fun, even if they’re not in a relationship. But when a Dominant commits himself to a sub he will show this by collaring them. This is usually done in a Collaring Ceremony, and we’ll discuss that later in this article.
The 2 types every submissive needs:
One of the benefits of keeping the collar choices down to two or three is that the submissive becomes attached to it. This is true both emotionally and physically. It’s a lot like how pet dogs are more anxious when their collar is removed, and calmer when it is put back on. Likewise, submissives feel secure and safe in their personal collar.
1. Collars for play and sub training
When you think of BDSM, you usually think of these types of collars. They are sturdy, usually made of some kind of leather type product, and can be locked. They will also have a d-ring/o-ring for the Dom to grab or attach a leash too. The purpose for these collars is to train the submissive, and get them in the proper mindset for a scene. Before a play session, my Dom will have me kneel and he’ll put it around my neck. Other times, if I am being bratty or disobedient, he will put it on me extra tight so I remember my place as his submissive.
2. Discreet “Day Collars” for everyday wear
If you’re not comfortable wearing a Play Collar outside of the house, but still want to show you’re in a D/s relationship, then a discreet, submissive “Day Collar” is perfect. This is a type of short or tight necklace, usually with an o-ring too. It’s not as obvious to those that are vanilla, but you may get some curious or knowing looks. I wear this type of collar everyday, and if I ever forget and leave the house without it then my Dom will punish me. I’m very proud when I wear my collar, and it gives my life great meaning.
The Collar Ceremony and beyond
When a Dominant decides to make a lifelong commitment of owning their submissive they will symbolize this during a Collaring Ceremony. Much like a wedding, the Dom and sub will usually say vows and witnesses might be present. The Dom will then collar the sub, and they will be Master/slave for the rest of their lives. While there may be traditional collars for this (just like diamond rings are typical for marriage), it’s really a personal choice and should be something you are comfortable with. There can be other rituals besides the ceremony, that are more simpler, such as
- Having the sub kneel before a scene to receive their play collar
- Having the sub bring the collar to the Dom as part of punishment
- Putting a “day” one on before leaving the house
At this point, you may be wondering:
“Can’t I just wear a regular necklace or other type of jewelry?”
While I always want everyone to do what makes them happy and comfortable, collars are best for those in the BDSM lifestyle. Many vanilla people wear necklaces or other types of jewelry all the time, so if you wore something similar there would be no distinction. There are other benefits to a collar too. Collars sit close against the sub’s neck, so the Dom sees it every time he looks at his sub, reminding him of their D/s relationship. A bracelet or ring will not have the same effect. Also, a collar has a different meaning than other types of jewelry. Dogs and other animals wear collars, because they are owned. It is the same for the submissive.
I hope I made BDSM collars a little less complicated for you. They are extremely beneficial to those in a D/s relationship, and also very sexy to wear. Have fun finding the right type for you, and be proud of the privilege to collar someone or to be collared by someone. 🖤