Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship. It’s represents the first letter of the word BDSM. It may seem like just a kinky fetish, but real sexual gratification comes from bondage. The pleasure is derived from rendering the restrained person vulnerable to a variety of sex acts. How can you get started with bondage and enjoy it safely? Here are 8 ideas to inspire you.
1. Cable zip ties
I thought I’d start with one of my favorites. Zip ties are used to hold together cables or wires and are made out of a plastic-like nylon. They usually come in clear or black and are really easy to use. Simply put them around the wrists like handcuffs, thread the tail through the loop, and they’re locked. I like them because they are super strong, and the material can cut into my skin when I struggle. They can leave nice marks too. The ties come in different sizes so make sure to buy the longer ones. They are easy to get out of quickly because you just cut them to release them. The only down side is that they are not reusable, but you can buy a lot of them for really cheap.
2. Suit tie
This is a really sexy way to enjoy bondage even if you are in a vanilla relationship. A man’s tie, made of silk or satin, is the perfect size and length to get started with bondage. There are many ways to use one. It can be used to tie the hands behind the back of the body, or in the front. Once the wrists are tied, the Dom could tie the end to a bed frame or another piece of furniture. It can also be secured around the sub’s neck like a traditional tie, and used as a leash to lead them around. It’s versatile enough to be used as a blindfold or even a gag. Really the possibilities are endless.
3. Spreader bar
Another fun piece of equipment, a spreader bar is used to keep the limbs apart. It is usually attached to the ankles and the bar’s length is increased to open the legs wider. Some spreader bars also have cuffs for the wrists too, so the hands are attached right next to the feet. This gives the Dom easy access to do to the sub whatever they wish. If the spreader bar has a key make sure beforehand that it works properly and it is within reach at all times.
These can be really thrilling to use because they play into the whole “bad cop” fantasy. Metal ones are nice because they can press into the skin and give a masochistic sub more pleasure. As with all of the previous bondage ideas there are a lot of hand placement options. They can even be hooked through something overhead like a clothes rod while the sub is standing. Just be careful not to make them too tight because they could do some real damage. And make sure the key works and is accessible. No one likes to make an embarrassing call to a locksmith.
This is probably the best known tool for bondage and doesn’t require a trip to a sex store. Rope can be used to tie a sub in lots of different positions. “Hog tie,” where the hands are tied to the feet behind the back, makes the sub extremely vulnerable. The best rope is smooth, usually nylon so it doesn’t chafe the skin. If you like it to feel rough then I recommend a natural fiber like manila hemp. In our bedroom we have ropes tied to the four corners of our bed at all times. My Dom will use more rope or cable ties to attach me to the corners in various positions. When we are done playing the rope can be tucked back under the bed out of sight and ready for the next play session. People who enjoy being tied up are usually called “Rope Bunnies”.
Shibari and Kinbaku are two terms to describe a type of Japanese bondage. Although the words are sometimes used interchangeably they are actually two different things. Shibari usually refers to general, artistic rope tying, while Kinbaku is a more sexual form of it. Today you can see rope Masters performing intricate bondage styles at different shows and events. The art is more in the ritualistic way it is done than in the finished project. There are also many designs and techniques like the crotch rope tie, Strappado bondage (where the hands are tied behind and pulled up), and suspension bondage.
7. Collar with “O” ring
My play collar has a big “O” ring on the front of it that can be used for many things. A Dom could use zip ties, a suit tie, or ropes to secure the sub’s hands to the collar. A traditional leash or chain can also be hooked onto it to keep the sub restrained. Some collars have “O” rings in multiple places so the sub can be bound from the back of the neck too. Look for a well made collar that is comfortable but strong enough to take a lot of pulling.
8. When restraints become undone
Sometimes, despite a Dom’s best tying skills, a restraint may come undone. It’s going to happen. There’s no need to be embarrassed, get frustrated, or end a scene. If a sub notices that a rope is coming loose for instance they can just playfully say, “Master, I think my restraints need to be tighter.” Or if a Dom sees that a sub is getting loose even in a rape play scene, he can stay in character and just quickly retie them. The point is to just fix it without making a big deal of it, and to continue to enjoy yourself
Hopefully I made your next trip to your local hardware store a little more interesting. Obviously we just scratched the surface of bondage but these eight ways should get your creative juices flowing. Have fun! 🖤