Rituals are an important part of any healthy BDSM relationship. They help the Dominant and Submissive remember their roles, and can be a way to stay centered and focused. Read on to learn the basics and maybe pick up some new rituals to enhance your connection.
What are BDSM rituals?
Sometimes people will use the words protocols and rituals interchangeably but they are slightly different. A BDSM protocol is a hard and fast rule usually listed in a contract. A ritual is more of a way of carrying out something. It almost always involves an action where the Dom prescribes a series of behaviors for his pleasure and benefit.
Why have rituals?
Rituals are a way to discipline a Sub. They teach them obedience and submission and keep them in the right frame of mind. This is true for the Dom as well. Sometimes if a Sub has been acting too rebellious or bratty a ritual can snap both parties back into their role.
I really enjoy my rituals and view them as almost solemn and spiritual. When I perform a ritual it feels somewhat ceremonial even. I take pleasure in knowing I’m doing something my Daddy wants and that makes him happy.
Examples of rituals
Rituals are automatic and a good Sub shouldn’t have to be asked to do it every time. If a Sub does forget (they’re not perfect) they should be disciplined to the proper degree. A good Dom doesn’t make up rituals just for the sake of having one. There should be a reason for them and should be for his pleasure. Here are some of the rituals my Daddy has for me:
- Kneeling and oral sex each night– My Daddy usually goes to bed before me since he wakes up early, so once I’m all ready for the night, I sit in the bed next to him and kneel. If he doesn’t wake up by then I will lightly rub him and say, “I’m ready to suck you now, Daddy.” I will perform oral for him and he will stop me when he chooses. Sometimes it’s after a minute, and other times I finish him completely. I don’t stop until he tells me.
- Kissing him whenever he arrives home- This is another popular ritual and one I can safely perform in front of others. When he comes home, wherever I am in the house and no matter what I’m doing, I go and greet him with a kiss.
- A morning text- My Daddy decided on the ritual of every morning texting him how I was feeling, and a detailed plan for my day. Before this he would usually text me first to tell me good morning and that he loved me. I loved that and didn’t want to give it up. Respectfully I told him and he said he would continue to text me first, but then I would have to reply with what he had requested. It was a successful compromise and we have been doing it ever since.
Can Doms have rituals too?
Yes and no. Doms will do certain actions as a routine but they are never expected to do it as they are allowed to do whatever they want. An example is how my Daddy opens doors for me. Before I get in the car or enter a building he will almost always open it for me, and it makes me love him even more each time he does it.
Some rituals may not work
It may be that after performing certain rituals they will have to be eliminated. This happened to us. Every morning when Daddy was at work I had to let him decide my panties for the day. I’d pick out three, lay them in a row, take a picture, and text it to him. This was fun at first and I did it for almost a month. It ended up causing me a lot of stress though. There were many mornings I would have to rush because it was taking up too much time. I wanted to be a good Sub and keep trying but eventually I told him that it was hard to do. Thankfully he told me I could stop. He still makes choices on my panties from time to time, and will often tell me to wear none when I’m in a dress or skirt. So if a ritual isn’t working, a sub can always talk to her Dom about it respectively, or through a journal.
I find peace in rituals. They benefit both the Dom and the Sub and are essential for training and discipline. 🖤
What rituals do you have in your BDSM relationship? What works and what doesn’t?