Tag Archives: Activities

10 Ways to Have Better Aftercare

Aftercare, Kit, D/s relationship, Checklist, Kink, For Doms, Definition, Meaning, Subs, Subdrop, Proper, Dom Sub, Dominant, Ideas, BDSM, Activities

During a BDSM scene or other kink activities, the Dominant and submissive can experience a huge endorphin rush.  It can be a shock when it is all over, for Doms and for subs.  A proper checklist helps prevent this.  It’s a way for those in a D/s (Dom/sub) relationship to calm back down. If your aftercare kit has room for improvement, or worse, is nonexistent, then these ideas can help. But first, let’s cover the definition of aftercare and the meaning of subdrop.

Want a free checklist to help you get the most out of aftercare?  Click the button below and send it to your partner too! 

Definition of aftercare and meaning of subdrop

What exactly is aftercare? Here is the actual definition:

“Aftercare refers to the attention given to a sub at the end of a scene. It often includes the Dom utilizing various pampering techniques on the sub in an effort to provide comfort after having an intense experience that can leave them in a vulnerable state.”

Intense pleasure or pain can cause a strong “high”, and when emotions and endorphins come crashing down subdrop can occur. Here is the meaning of subdrop:

“Subdrop is an experience with similar characteristics of depression that occurs after an intense BDSM scene. It is caused by adrenaline and endorphin crashes.”

So as you can see from these definitions, proper aftercare helps prevent subdrop, so the Dom and sub can slowly get back in touch with reality. Keep reading for my top 10 ideas for aftercare.

1.  Cover up the sub

This is probably one of the most simplest things a Dominant forgets to do.  During a scene a submissive’s body temperature usually increases and afterwards it drops, making the sub cold and uncomfortable.  Before a Dom relaxes they should cover up the sub with a blanket.

If the sub was completely naked they are also probably feeling exposed and vulnerable and this simple act can help them feel at ease.  Plus, after a very intense session a sub is usually too exhausted to cover themselves up.

2.  Verbal reassurance from the Dominant

A sub craves to be told that they are good and that they did a good job.  When their Dom says those words to them, it helps them to emotionally relax.  It’s not uncommon for a sub to have doubts and insecurities after a session.  Knowing they have their Dom’s approval gives them immense satisfaction.

If there was rape play or consensual non-consent during a scene, then it is extremely important for the Dom to be caring and calm, even saying, “I love you,” if it’s appropriate for the relationship.

3.  Cuddle

Just like how a sub can be verbally reassured, they can also be physically reassured.  When a Dom holds and cuddles a sub it helps them to feel safe and protected.

Other small ways to make physical contact include snuggling, petting, pats on the head, and forehead kisses.  Feeling their Dom’s strong arms around them can go a long way in helping establish a sense of security in a D/s relationship.

4.  Water

After an intense kink scene, it is a good idea for both parties to rehydrate.  However, it is the Dom’s responsibility to get their sub a glass of water to drink.  Moreover, drinking water can help prevent headaches, muscles aches, and urinary tract infections.

Therefore, having two glasses of water nearby before a BDSM scene starts is a good habit to get into.

5.  Proper clean up

BDSM scenes can be quite dirty.  Sweat, lubes, bodily fluids, wax – they all need to be cleaned up.  The Dom can get a towel and wipe up their sub and themselves.  They can also help straighten things back up and put away any toys and other implements.

Sometimes a shower may be needed and the Dom can help wash the sub.  This can be another opportunity to reconnect.

6.  First-aid kit ideas

A sub may have marks and bruises from a hard and intense kink session.  The Dom can massage limbs that were tied up, and apply lotion to any other sore spots.  Some people swear by arnica cream but any lotion without menthol or alcohol is good.  My favorite to use is one with shea butter.

Having Advil in your kit (brought with the water from tip #4) can help prevent swelling and bruising.

7.  Stuffie

Stuffies, or stuffed toys, are another tool in providing proper aftercare.  Littles especially love stuffies, and having one to cuddle and recuperate with helps them cope and deal with loneliness.  Therefore, a Dom should bring the stuffie to their little after a play session.

On the other hand, if the little doesn’t own a stuffie, this is a good opportunity for the Dom to buy them one.

8.  Orgasm

This one is probably my favorite for obvious reasons.  It may be the farthest thing from their mind after a hard scene but an orgasm can help the sub calm down, and to refocus.

Being beaten and used is a very stressful thing to experience and an orgasm can help a sub release that.  Also the Dom may have already orgasmed and taking care of the sub can help them not feel neglected.

For a simple (and free!) aftercare kit checklist, just CLICK HERE and it will be emailed to you instantly.

9.  Discuss and recap post kink

After all the previous steps have been taken, it’s good for a D/s relationship if both individuals discuss a scene after it’s over.  Doing all the relevant previous steps ensures that they are both calm and relaxed and can talk freely and openly.

This is a good time to figure out what went great, and what you’d like to try next time.

10.  Check-in the next day

Even if you’re married or in a long-term D/s relationship, next day communication is really important.  Subdrop can occur even days after a play session, so even a simple text or phone call can mean a lot.

Journaling can also help a sub to express their emotions productively, and the Dom can even assign a specific writing assignment based on the play session.

Get a FREE printable journal here »

Proper aftercare for Doms in a D/s relationship

Aftercare for Doms is something that rarely gets talked about in the BDSM community. Domdrop is a real occurrence though, and can be prevented with some of the ideas and activities above.

Some of the feelings that a Dom can have include depression, guilt, exhaustion, vulnerability, insecurity, and anxiety. In addition to the above ideas, here is a checklist for Doms:

  • Ask for reassurance from your sub
  • Talk to other Doms in the BDSM community
  • Go to the gym or go for a run
  • Do activities related to a hobby
  • Practice these other self-care tips

A successful D/s relationship depends not just on hardcore scenes, but also on well planned, proper aftercare.  As you can see, there are so many different ways and activities to ensure that this happens, even for Doms.  Communicate what you need and want afterwards, and the play sessions are sure to keep getting better and better.  🖤

What’s your favorite aftercare activity?  Let me know your checklist in the comments.

Keep reading:  10 tips for self-care »

10 Self-Care Tips Doms and Subs Need

Many in the BDSM community are responding to the current crisis in one of two ways. They either push themselves to try to keep things under control, or they retreat into worry. In either case, self-care gets neglected, and Dom and sub drop can occur. Yet this is exactly when you need self-care activities the most. To combat the strain of this global event, here’s 10 stress relief tips you can do at home.

Self-care Activities Tips Sub drop Sub Dom Dominant Submissive Ideas Kit BDSM

1. Exercise for self-care

Exercise, especially when it’s outdoors, refreshes the mind. It also boosts endorphins and enhances your mood. Some ideas for activities include:

  • Going for a walk or run
  • Doing bodyweight exercises at home
  • Stretching

Try to get at least 30 minutes a day of physical movement, which will also help boost your stamina during BDSM scenes.

2. Listen to music

Listening to soothing music is one of my favorite self-care actives because it’s so quick and simple. Here are three of my favorite songs for not only stress relief, but to also help keep me in the submissive mindset:

  • “Love the Way You Lie” by Rihanna
  • “My Immortal” by Evanescence
  • “Earned It” by The Weeknd

3. Write in a Journal

If you’ve been following me for a while now, then you know I’m a huge proponent of journaling. For both Doms and subs, journaling is a way to release negative thoughts and emotions so they deminish. Be sure to also write down what you’re grateful for too.

I journal twice a day: morning and evening. A journal is perfect for an aftercare kit too, so sub drop can be lessened or prevented. Click here for free journal prompts.

4. Take a relaxing bath or shower

A lot of times as Doms or subs, we take this daily task for granted. It’s really a perfect opportunity for self-care though. The warm water has been proven to elevate your mood, and the time to yourself can allow you to focus your attention inward.

Baths and showers are also great for aftercare when you’re done enjoying a scene, and works as a great prevention for sub drop. Add your favorite sexy toy for even more fun!

d/s instructions definition kink aftercare sub drop kit

5. Keep your daily BDSM rituals and activities

During times of stress, rely on your daily rituals. Don’t neglect your routines and rules. You need these activitie in order to lead if you’re the Dominant, or to help you obey if you’re the submissive.

It’s good to have different rituals throughout your whole day, so it will help you stick to a schedule. Here are some ideas:

  • Meditate/kneel in the morning
  • Make/serve coffee or tea
  • Journal and read
  • Text your partner at set times
  • Exercise in the afternoon
  • Meditate/kneel in the evening

Doms can find more ideas and tips for tasks and rituals here.

6. Meditate

Meditation has so many benefits for both Doms and subs. Doms benefit by becoming more calm, focused, and less stressed. And by meditating, subs can become less anxious, more relaxed, and handle sub drop more easily. For these reasons my Dom has me meditate twice a day.

An easy meditation for stress relief: Sit in a quiet place, set a timer for 10 minutes, close your eyes, calm your mind, and focus on each breath.

7. Practice or learn bondage

You don’t need a partner to enjoy bondage! You can practice on yourself or on an object like a pillow or chair. The best rope is smooth, usually nylon so it doesn’t chafe the skin.  If you like it to feel rough then I recommend a natural fiber like manila hemp.

Rope work is great for self-care because you’re working with your hands and you have to be meticulous and focused. And it can release endorphins for those that have a rope kink.

8. Take a screen break

We all know that excessive time on our screens causes stress. The news especially can be very toxic. My Dom actually has the rule that I’m not allowed to read the news. So make sure to take time to unplug every day. It’s also a good idea to take a break from your devices an hour before bed.

9. Talk to a friend or partner

Communication and human connection is so vital during times of stress. Taking the time to talk to a friend or partner, even virtually, can ease anxiety, especially sub drop. Share your thoughts and what you’re going through, and take the time to listen too.

Even if you’re in a long-distance relationship there are so many ways to keep your bond strong. Steal my favorite tips here.

10. Read material for Doms and subs

Reading is great way to unwind. Reading fictional BDSM stories can also spark your kinky imagination. And reading non-fiction articles is an easy way to learn more about the lifestyle.

I have dozens of articles on my blog that you can enjoy. You can also use the search field at the top of this site to find something specific.

Remember this: Self-care promotes a sense of control when things seem out of control. These 10 activities and tips can help you to be the best Dom or sub you can be right now. Take care of yourself. 🖤

What are your favorite tips for self-care? Share yours in the comments below.

d/s instructions definition kink aftercare sub drop kit

Keep reading: 7 Things You Need to Know About BDSM During This Uncertain Time