In beginning my BDSM journey as a sub, I thought keeping a journal was very vanilla. “Shouldn’t I just tell my Dom my feelings and ideas?” I didn’t think a submissive journal would be useful, but my Dominant wanted me to so I obeyed. Here’s what I’ve learned, plus some writing prompts and examples to help you start. Be sure to download your free template here.
Why is a journal so important?
A journal is a submissive’s safe place to write down whatever they want. In a life full of control and submission, it can be their only outlet to vent their feelings freely. Journaling can be very therapeutic.
It also gives the Dom a glimpse into their sub’s mind so he can better understand her. In order for this all to happen though, a sub should always feel safe to write anything in their journal without fear of being punished.
If a sub is constantly asked, “Why did you write that?”, they’ll slowly stop writing for themselves and more for pleasing their Master. My journal has a list of rules at the beginning of it. Here is a sample of it you can use as a template:
“Only the submissive can write here, unless she gives approval for the Dominant to respond in it. All other responses of the Dom will be by email, text, or handwritten notes only. The sub will not have to answer for anything she writes here, or be held accountable. The Dom can indirectly discuss any concerns he has but without referencing her journal.”
Submissive journal rules and expectations can also be explained in a BDSM contract as well. For examples of contracts click here.
Ideas to get you started
The most traditional type of journal is a notebook, maybe kept in a sub’s nightstand where the Dom has access to it. With technology now though there are a lot better alternatives. I feel the best journal is a digital document that both parties can share.
I keep a note on my iPhone entitled “Submissive’s Journal” that I have shared with my Dom. The advantage to this is that he gets a notification on his phone as soon as I write a new entry. That way I don’t have to wonder if he’s seen that I wrote something, and he doesn’t have to keep checking it. Examples also include a Word or Pages template too.
If you are afraid someone else will accidentally read it you could also protect it with a password. Journals can also be done online, or even as part of a blog.
Examples of writing prompts to use as a template
Now that you know why to write and how to write, it’s time to figure out what to write. Basically a submissive can write anything they want as a reflection of what’s going on in their mind. If nothing is coming to them or they just need some fresh inspiration, here’s some ideas and examples of prompts to get you started:
- What you like most about being a sub/slave/little
- The biggest challenges to being a sub/slave/little
- Positive things that happened during the day
- Your favorite sexual things, or new things you want to try
- If you could change one thing about your current relationship what would it be?
- Read a post on Domsubliving.com and journal your thoughts about it
- Your goals as a sub/slave/little
- What you would tell your past-BDSM self
Of course one of the best ways to get ideas for journaling prompts is for a sub to ask their Dom. I’m sure they would love to know their sub’s thoughts on many different subjects.
How often should a submissive journal?
A submissive doesn’t have to journal every day (unless their Dom tells them to), but they should at the very least journal once a week. Journaling often can allow a sub to release their frustrations through writing, and it can keep them from acting out or behaving bratty. It can catch and fix problems early.
A sub shouldn’t only journal when they are upset and need to vent though. It’s also good for them to record positive things, so both the sub and the Dom can look back on their relationship with confidence.
A word for the Dom:
It is extremely important that your sub should always feel comfortable writing in their journal. It may be their only safe place they are allowed to vent, “cry”, or “scream”. If your sub senses that you are judging them because of what they write, they may begin to censor their entries. Even if your sub writes, “I hate my Dom,” resist the urge to ask why they wrote it.
Remember, children and teenagers will often journal rebelliously, so your little is just expressing normal behaviors. Instead of confronting your sub, ask them later how they are feeling and if there is anything they think needs improvement.
A well-used journal is a sign of a sub who feels comfortable and safe. Be sure to download your free template below. Writing often is not only good for the sub, but will help the Dom better understand the needs of the BDSM relationship.