Tag Archives: Sex

8 Bondage Ideas + Tips Even if You’re a BDSM Beginner

Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of BDSM.  It may seem like just a sex kink, but it’s so much more than rope ties, tying someone up, or being tied.  Real physical and emotional gratification comes from bondage.  How can you get started and enjoy it safely, even if you’re a beginner?  Here are 8 ideas plus tips to inspire you.

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Be sure to read all the BDSM safety tips first! Click here »

1.  Cable zip ties

I thought I’d start with one of my favorite ideas.  Zip ties are used to hold together cables or wires and are made out of a plastic-like nylon.  They usually come in clear or black and are really easy to use.  Simply put them around the wrists like handcuffs, thread the tail through the loop, and they’re locked.

I like them because they are super strong, and the material can cut into my skin when I struggle.  They can leave nice marks too.  The ties come in different sizes so make sure to buy the longer ones.  They are easy to get out of quickly because you just cut them to release them.

The only down side is that they are not reusable, but you can buy a lot of them really cheap, so they’re great for a beginner.

2.  Suit tie ideas

This is a really sexy way to enjoy bondage even if you are a beginner or in a vanilla relationship.  A man’s tie, made of silk or satin, is the perfect size and length to get started with bondage.

There are many ways to use one.  It can be used to tie the hands behind the back of the body, or in the front.  Once the wrists are tied, the Dom could tie the end to a bed frame or another piece of furniture.  It can also be secured around the sub’s neck like a traditional tie, and used as a leash to lead them around.

It’s versatile enough to be used as a blindfold or even a beginner gag.  Really the possibilities are endless.

3.  Spreader bar

Another fun piece of BDSM equipment, a spreader bar is used to keep the limbs apart.  It is usually attached to the ankles and the bar’s length is increased to open the legs wider.

Some spreader bars also have cuffs for the wrists too, so the hands are attached right next to the feet.  This gives the Dom easy access to do to the sub whatever they wish.  If the spreader bar has a key make sure beforehand that it works properly and it is within reach at all times.

4.  Handcuffs

These can be really thrilling to use because they play into the whole “bad cop” fantasy.  Metal ones are nice because they can press into the skin and give a masochistic sub more pleasure.  As with all of the previous bondage ideas there are a lot of hand placement options.

They can even be hooked through something overhead like a clothes rod while the sub is standing.  Just be careful not to make them too tight because they could do some real damage.  And make sure the key works and is accessible.  No one likes to make an embarrassing call to a locksmith.

5.  Beginner Rope bondage tips

This is probably the best known tool for bondage and doesn’t require a trip to a sex store.  Rope can be used to tie a sub in lots of different positions.  “Hog tie,” where the hands are tied to the feet behind the back, makes the sub extremely vulnerable.

The best beginner rope is subjective, but I prefer smooth, usually nylon so it doesn’t chafe the skin.  If you like it to feel rough then I recommend a natural fiber like manila hemp.  In our bedroom we have ropes tied to the four corners of our bed at all times.  My Dom will use more rope or cable ties to attach me to the corners in various positions.

When we are done playing the rope can be tucked back under the bed out of sight and ready for the next play session.  People who enjoy being tied up in BDSM are usually called “Rope Bunnies”.

6.  Shibari/Kinbaku bondage

Shibari and Kinbaku are two terms to describe a type of Japanese bondage.  Although the words are sometimes used interchangeably they are actually two different things.  Shibari usually refers to general, artistic rope tying, while Kinbaku is a more sexual form of it.

Today you can see rope Masters performing intricate bondage styles at different shows and events.  The art is more in the ritualistic way it is done than in the finished project.  There are also many designs and techniques like the crotch rope tie, Strappado bondage (where the hands are tied behind and pulled up), and suspension bondage.

See a picture of me enjoying Shibari here.

7.  BDSM collar with “O” ring

My play collar has a big “O” ring on the front of it that can be used for many things.  A Dom could use zip ties, a suit tie, or ropes to secure the sub’s hands to the collar.  A traditional leash or chain can also be hooked onto it to keep the sub restrained.

Some collars have “O” rings in multiple places so the sub can be bound from the back of the neck too.  Look for a well made collar that is comfortable but strong enough to take a lot of pulling.  See more ideas for collars here.

8.  Tips for when restraints become undone

Sometimes, despite a Dom’s best tying skills, a restraint may come undone.  It’s going to happen.  There’s no need to be embarrassed, get frustrated, or end a scene.  If a sub notices that a rope is coming loose for instance they can just playfully say, “Master, I think my restraints need to be tighter.”

Or if a Dom sees that a sub is getting loose even in a rape play scene, they can stay in character and just quickly retie them.  The point is to just fix it without making a big deal of it, and to continue to enjoy yourself.

Hopefully I made your next trip to your local hardware store a little more interesting.  Obviously we just scratched the surface of BDSM bondage but these eight ideas and tips should get your creative juices flowing.  Have fun!  🖤

What are your favorite bondage ideas or tips?  Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  Using Safewords »

How to go from Vanilla to BDSM and Kink

One of the questions I get asked the most is, “How do I go from vanilla to BDSM?” (The definition of vanilla is plain, normal, or boring.) Maybe the person read the book 50 Shades of Grey, or wants to incorporate kink into their relationship or sex life to bring more meaning to it. It can be hard when you are already married or dating and you want to switch to a kinky lifestyle. Here is how to make your journey successful.

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Be sure to learn the BDSM essentials and their meaning first by clicking here.

Start with kinky communication (and not just about sex)

One of the awesome things about a D/s lifestyle is that there is usually a whole lot more communication than a vanilla one.  Start by telling your partner what you already like about your relationship.  Then you can begin to tell them things you want to maybe try or are just curious about.

Ask them what their kinky fantasies are.  This may take a few tries so keep things positive and be patient.  Saying the word “BDSM” may scare them off so maybe just talk about the aspects of it you like.  This can be things like:

Sometimes a person has to get comfortable just talking about how to go from vanilla to kink before they feel they can make the switch to doing it in real life.  Read articles on Domsubliving.com together and keep your conversations light and fun.

How to go from vanilla to BDSM with a kink contract

Contracts are one of the things that the book 50 Shades of Grey actually got right, but contracts don’t have to be for hardcore D/s couples.  Experts say that talking about sex openly and writing it down in a contract brings meaning to even vanilla relationships.

If you need somewhere to start, download a free template here

Contracts can include roles and what those involve (even if it’s just your names and titles like husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend).  Other things to cover are:

Don’t be embarrassed or take yourself too seriously.  Have fun discussing your contract and check in regularly to see if it’s working or to renegotiate.

When things don’t go as you hoped

Whether you’re vanilla or practicing BDSM, you shouldn’t expect perfection from your partner.  Remember, this isn’t the book 50 Shades of Grey.

Resentment builds when one person starts to feel like the other isn’t fulfilling their role.  In D/s this could be the Dom feeling like their sub isn’t being submissive enough, or the sub feeling like their Dom isn’t being dominant enough.  What should you do when this happens?

As always: communicate.  If talking about how to go from vanilla to BDSM makes you feel uncomfortable or you’re hitting a brick wall, a journal can be a safe place to express your feelings freely.  Journaling is great for any relationship, vanilla or kinky.

You can download a free journal here which includes prompts to help you get started.

Make the switch from vanilla to BDSM safely

You may be tempted to jump right into a kinky lifestyle, but start slow.  Remember, the book 50 Shades of Grey is not real life.  In the BDSM community “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” is extremely important, and not just during sex.

If not practiced correctly, a D/s relationship can be dangerous, both physically and emotionally.  However, when it is enjoyed in a healthy way it can be extremely fulfilling and bring deep meaning to a relationship.  I hope with these suggestions all who want to can go from vanilla to BDSM and kink successfully.  🖤

Have you tried making the switch?  What challenges have you faced?  Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading: Creating Your Contract  »