Tag Archives: Tips

8 Bondage Ideas + Tips Even if You’re a BDSM Beginner

Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of BDSM.  It may seem like just a sex kink, but it’s so much more than rope ties, tying someone up, or being tied.  Real physical and emotional gratification comes from bondage.  How can you get started and enjoy it safely, even if you’re a beginner?  Here are 8 ideas plus tips to inspire you.

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Be sure to read all the BDSM safety tips first! Click here »

1.  Cable zip ties

I thought I’d start with one of my favorite ideas.  Zip ties are used to hold together cables or wires and are made out of a plastic-like nylon.  They usually come in clear or black and are really easy to use.  Simply put them around the wrists like handcuffs, thread the tail through the loop, and they’re locked.

I like them because they are super strong, and the material can cut into my skin when I struggle.  They can leave nice marks too.  The ties come in different sizes so make sure to buy the longer ones.  They are easy to get out of quickly because you just cut them to release them.

The only down side is that they are not reusable, but you can buy a lot of them really cheap, so they’re great for a beginner.

2.  Suit tie ideas

This is a really sexy way to enjoy bondage even if you are a beginner or in a vanilla relationship.  A man’s tie, made of silk or satin, is the perfect size and length to get started with bondage.

There are many ways to use one.  It can be used to tie the hands behind the back of the body, or in the front.  Once the wrists are tied, the Dom could tie the end to a bed frame or another piece of furniture.  It can also be secured around the sub’s neck like a traditional tie, and used as a leash to lead them around.

It’s versatile enough to be used as a blindfold or even a beginner gag.  Really the possibilities are endless.

3.  Spreader bar

Another fun piece of BDSM equipment, a spreader bar is used to keep the limbs apart.  It is usually attached to the ankles and the bar’s length is increased to open the legs wider.

Some spreader bars also have cuffs for the wrists too, so the hands are attached right next to the feet.  This gives the Dom easy access to do to the sub whatever they wish.  If the spreader bar has a key make sure beforehand that it works properly and it is within reach at all times.

4.  Handcuffs

These can be really thrilling to use because they play into the whole “bad cop” fantasy.  Metal ones are nice because they can press into the skin and give a masochistic sub more pleasure.  As with all of the previous bondage ideas there are a lot of hand placement options.

They can even be hooked through something overhead like a clothes rod while the sub is standing.  Just be careful not to make them too tight because they could do some real damage.  And make sure the key works and is accessible.  No one likes to make an embarrassing call to a locksmith.

5.  Beginner Rope bondage tips

This is probably the best known tool for bondage and doesn’t require a trip to a sex store.  Rope can be used to tie a sub in lots of different positions.  “Hog tie,” where the hands are tied to the feet behind the back, makes the sub extremely vulnerable.

The best beginner rope is subjective, but I prefer smooth, usually nylon so it doesn’t chafe the skin.  If you like it to feel rough then I recommend a natural fiber like manila hemp.  In our bedroom we have ropes tied to the four corners of our bed at all times.  My Dom will use more rope or cable ties to attach me to the corners in various positions.

When we are done playing the rope can be tucked back under the bed out of sight and ready for the next play session.  People who enjoy being tied up in BDSM are usually called “Rope Bunnies”.

6.  Shibari/Kinbaku bondage

Shibari and Kinbaku are two terms to describe a type of Japanese bondage.  Although the words are sometimes used interchangeably they are actually two different things.  Shibari usually refers to general, artistic rope tying, while Kinbaku is a more sexual form of it.

Today you can see rope Masters performing intricate bondage styles at different shows and events.  The art is more in the ritualistic way it is done than in the finished project.  There are also many designs and techniques like the crotch rope tie, Strappado bondage (where the hands are tied behind and pulled up), and suspension bondage.

See a picture of me enjoying Shibari here.

7.  BDSM collar with “O” ring

My play collar has a big “O” ring on the front of it that can be used for many things.  A Dom could use zip ties, a suit tie, or ropes to secure the sub’s hands to the collar.  A traditional leash or chain can also be hooked onto it to keep the sub restrained.

Some collars have “O” rings in multiple places so the sub can be bound from the back of the neck too.  Look for a well made collar that is comfortable but strong enough to take a lot of pulling.  See more ideas for collars here.

8.  Tips for when restraints become undone

Sometimes, despite a Dom’s best tying skills, a restraint may come undone.  It’s going to happen.  There’s no need to be embarrassed, get frustrated, or end a scene.  If a sub notices that a rope is coming loose for instance they can just playfully say, “Master, I think my restraints need to be tighter.”

Or if a Dom sees that a sub is getting loose even in a rape play scene, they can stay in character and just quickly retie them.  The point is to just fix it without making a big deal of it, and to continue to enjoy yourself.

Hopefully I made your next trip to your local hardware store a little more interesting.  Obviously we just scratched the surface of BDSM bondage but these eight ideas and tips should get your creative juices flowing.  Have fun!  🖤

What are your favorite bondage ideas or tips?  Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  Using Safewords »

10 Self-Care Tips Doms and Subs Need

Many in the BDSM community are responding to the current crisis in one of two ways. They either push themselves to try to keep things under control, or they retreat into worry. In either case, self-care gets neglected, and Dom and sub drop can occur. Yet this is exactly when you need self-care activities the most. To combat the strain of this global event, here’s 10 stress relief tips you can do at home.

Self-care Activities Tips Sub drop Sub Dom Dominant Submissive Ideas Kit BDSM

1. Exercise for self-care

Exercise, especially when it’s outdoors, refreshes the mind. It also boosts endorphins and enhances your mood. Some ideas for activities include:

  • Going for a walk or run
  • Doing bodyweight exercises at home
  • Stretching

Try to get at least 30 minutes a day of physical movement, which will also help boost your stamina during BDSM scenes.

2. Listen to music

Listening to soothing music is one of my favorite self-care actives because it’s so quick and simple. Here are three of my favorite songs for not only stress relief, but to also help keep me in the submissive mindset:

  • “Love the Way You Lie” by Rihanna
  • “My Immortal” by Evanescence
  • “Earned It” by The Weeknd

3. Write in a Journal

If you’ve been following me for a while now, then you know I’m a huge proponent of journaling. For both Doms and subs, journaling is a way to release negative thoughts and emotions so they deminish. Be sure to also write down what you’re grateful for too.

I journal twice a day: morning and evening. A journal is perfect for an aftercare kit too, so sub drop can be lessened or prevented. Click here for free journal prompts.

4. Take a relaxing bath or shower

A lot of times as Doms or subs, we take this daily task for granted. It’s really a perfect opportunity for self-care though. The warm water has been proven to elevate your mood, and the time to yourself can allow you to focus your attention inward.

Baths and showers are also great for aftercare when you’re done enjoying a scene, and works as a great prevention for sub drop. Add your favorite sexy toy for even more fun!

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5. Keep your daily BDSM rituals and activities

During times of stress, rely on your daily rituals. Don’t neglect your routines and rules. You need these activitie in order to lead if you’re the Dominant, or to help you obey if you’re the submissive.

It’s good to have different rituals throughout your whole day, so it will help you stick to a schedule. Here are some ideas:

  • Meditate/kneel in the morning
  • Make/serve coffee or tea
  • Journal and read
  • Text your partner at set times
  • Exercise in the afternoon
  • Meditate/kneel in the evening

Doms can find more ideas and tips for tasks and rituals here.

6. Meditate

Meditation has so many benefits for both Doms and subs. Doms benefit by becoming more calm, focused, and less stressed. And by meditating, subs can become less anxious, more relaxed, and handle sub drop more easily. For these reasons my Dom has me meditate twice a day.

An easy meditation for stress relief: Sit in a quiet place, set a timer for 10 minutes, close your eyes, calm your mind, and focus on each breath.

7. Practice or learn bondage

You don’t need a partner to enjoy bondage! You can practice on yourself or on an object like a pillow or chair. The best rope is smooth, usually nylon so it doesn’t chafe the skin.  If you like it to feel rough then I recommend a natural fiber like manila hemp.

Rope work is great for self-care because you’re working with your hands and you have to be meticulous and focused. And it can release endorphins for those that have a rope kink.

8. Take a screen break

We all know that excessive time on our screens causes stress. The news especially can be very toxic. My Dom actually has the rule that I’m not allowed to read the news. So make sure to take time to unplug every day. It’s also a good idea to take a break from your devices an hour before bed.

9. Talk to a friend or partner

Communication and human connection is so vital during times of stress. Taking the time to talk to a friend or partner, even virtually, can ease anxiety, especially sub drop. Share your thoughts and what you’re going through, and take the time to listen too.

Even if you’re in a long-distance relationship there are so many ways to keep your bond strong. Steal my favorite tips here.

10. Read material for Doms and subs

Reading is great way to unwind. Reading fictional BDSM stories can also spark your kinky imagination. And reading non-fiction articles is an easy way to learn more about the lifestyle.

I have dozens of articles on my blog that you can enjoy. You can also use the search field at the top of this site to find something specific.

Remember this: Self-care promotes a sense of control when things seem out of control. These 10 activities and tips can help you to be the best Dom or sub you can be right now. Take care of yourself. 🖤

What are your favorite tips for self-care? Share yours in the comments below.

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Keep reading: 7 Things You Need to Know About BDSM During This Uncertain Time