Tag Archives: Traits

DDLG: Daddy Dom/little girl & Ageplay Ultimate Guide

One of the most misunderstood types of BDSM relationships is the Daddy Dom/little girl dynamic (or DDlg).  For some, it’s just fun role-playing with clothing and outfits.  For other ageplayers like myself however, it is their identity.  Even though there are many benefits to ageplaying, it can be hard to know what things to say to someone who feels this lifestyle is wrong.  Keep reading to learn all about the rules, definition of “little space”, Daddy dominant traits, and get new ideas, so you can enjoy ageplay responsibly. 

Ageplay DDlg Clothing Definition Outfits Ageplayers Ageplaying Ideas Rules Little space Daddy Dom Things to Say Daddy dominant traits Little girl

The Real Definition of Ageplay

Ageplaying involves treating the sub like they are a certain age, usually younger, anywhere from toddler to teenager.  As a result, the sub treats their Dom like their Daddy.  He takes on the paternal role of protector and caregiver, and administers discipline and training when needed.  The sub becomes his “little” and relies on him emotionally, physically, and even sexually and sometimes financially.

Ageplayers are NOT pedophiles.  The definition of pedophilia is having sexual feelings towards children.  A sub is not a child, but is a consenting adult.  A Daddy Dom wants to be with HIS little girl, not little girls in general.

Why is the DDlg Relationship so Fulfilling for Ageplayers?

It can be hard to explain this lifestyle or know what things to say to someone who doesn’t understand this kink. Basically, age playing and DDlg satisfy both individuals involved on many levels:

The Daddy Dom

Usually men are naturally attracted to youth and innocence, and having a little meets that need continuously. They will also have the satisfaction of having someone rely and dote on them, and counting on them to “fix it” when things get hard.  Littles are constantly seeking the praise and attention of their Daddy and will do their best to please him.  When his baby girl disobeys rules, a Daddy Dom also gets the fulfillment of disciplining her in any way he desires, (and she has consented to).  She will also come to him with her sexual needs, as he knows how best to please her.

The little girl

In a symbiotic way, what makes the Daddy happy fulfills the little’s needs and vice versa.  She will be made to feel eternally youthful and beautiful, and he will spoil her and cherish her.  Subs that choose this relationship are usually emotionally fragile at times, and having a supportive, paternal figure is very soothing.  Likewise, being told they’re a “good girl” makes sub ageplayers feel extremely content.  And obeying rules and knowing they’re making their Daddy happy gives them immense reassurance.

How to Incorporate Ageplaying

Now that you know the real definition for ageplay and what both the Daddy Dom and little girl get out of it, here are some ideas for making it work:

Outfits, Clothing, and Other Ways to Look the Part

The Daddy Dom ultimately chooses the clothing his little girl wears, but short skirts, dresses, and having their hair in braids or pigtails is usual protocol.  School girl outfits are very popular, and Brazilian waxes are a great way to get that look and feel for ageplaying.

(For DDlg clothing, toys, and accessories, check out Kinky Cloth. They’re my favorite.)

Daddy Dominant Traits and Things to Say

Littles should refer to their Dom as Daddy, and always ask them for permission, just like a dependent child would.  Daddys need to call their littles by appropriate names like Baby Girl, and conversations and lectures are more enjoyable when she’s told to sit on his lap.  Littles also usually require a softer approach when being dominated.  Good Daddy Dominant traits are being nurturing, caring but strict, being a good listener, and supportive.  Here are some ideas for things to say:

  • “Be a good girl.”
  • “Behave.”
  • “Do you need a spanking?”
  • “I’m proud of you.”
  • “You’re too little to do that, let me help you.”
  • “Be careful.”
  • “Let me touch/see your princess parts.”
  • “Use your words.”
  • “Let’s have cuddle time.”
  • “Don’t worry, I’ll make it all better.”

DDlg Rules, Little Space, and Other Ideas

DDlg revolves around wanting to please and fearing disapproval, so rewards and punishments are vital.  Pats on the head and forehead kisses mean a lot, and spankings are usually a must.  Keeping the attitude of “Daddy knows best” will also deepen intimacy.  Good rules for littles include a set bedtime, no swearing, and keeping their room clean.

The definition of “Little Space” is a state of mind submissive ageplayers enter when they’re deeply feeling little.  Here are some ideas for age appropriate activities to help a sub enter little space more easily:

  • Coloring
  • Reading stories together
  • Having a stuffie
  • Keeping a journal
  • Cuddling
  • Watching cartoons
  • Going on outings together
  • Using stickers

Ageplaying is a great way to mix childlike innocence with naughty sexual curiosity. Don’t listen to people who try to say that ageplay is wrong.  The DDlg lifestyle can become the basis for a healthy BDSM relationship, and bring even more happiness to both the Dom and his sub. 🖤

For DDlg clothing, toys, and accessories, check out Kinky Cloth. > (opens in a new tab)”>Get FREE shipping on all orders of $50+ >>

Are you a Daddy Dom or little girl? How do you feel about DDlg and ageplay? Chat with me in the comments.

Keep reading:  How to enhance the dynamic >>

Fake Dom vs Real Dom: 9 Warning Signs

This is the article I never wanted to write. In creating Dom Sub Living I’ve met so many great Dominants, but I’ve also come across a lot of fakes.  I have also heard from far too many submissives about their scary experiences with bad doms.  I try to keep this blog positive, but I eventually realized that a “Fake dom vs Real Dom” article was necessary.  A fake dom can range from a sleazy person or oblivious newbie, to a severely abusive individual.  If you’re a sub and want to know the warning signs, red flags, and how to spot a fake Dom, then keep reading.  This article will also help Doms who want to avoid bad dominant traits, and gain the trust of their submissive.

Fake Dom vs Real Dom Fake Dom signs Dom red flags Dom sub warning signs Dominant red flags How to spot a fake Dom Bad dominant traits

DISCLAIMER: This article is just a guideline. It can help confirm your suspicions if your instincts are telling you something’s a red flag. However, just because a Dom has one of these characteristics doesn’t mean they are “bad” or a “fake”.  I am also fully aware that there are a lot of bad subs out there too, and many of these points can correspond to them as well.  As always, all of my articles apply to both female Dommes and male submissives.

9 Warning Signs of a Fake Dom

1. They’re not dominant in their own life

To me, this is the biggest indicator if a Dom is ready to have a sub.  After all, if they can’t control their own life, they’re not going to be able to control someone else’s.  They don’t need to be a CEO of their own company or be a Christian Grey, but they should be a successful Alpha in their own realm.   A Dominant needs to have their life together and be responsible. Then they can be responsible for someone else.

2. They’re new

I’m not saying that a good Dom can’t be new, but definitely exercise caution if someone has little or no experience in the lifestyle.  It’s been my experience that a lot of fake Doms are newbies.  They just assume they’re Dom, because they like to control people and want a girl to have sex with whenever they want. A lot of times they’re also just basing their knowledge on what they’ve seen in porn, vs actual reality.  A real Dom though, even a new Dom, will see this lifestyle as a whole lot of work on their part.

3.  Uses pet names

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been called “Princess” by guys I don’t know.  Using pet names like Princess, Sweetie, or Kitten before they know the person isn’t just a red flag, it’s hugely disrespectful.  So is a Dominant referring to themselves as Daddy or Master and expecting the other person to use those terms too. Pet names should only be used when you’re in a relationship or both parties are comfortable with using them.  When in doubt, ask permission first.

4.  They’re polyamorous

Polyamorous relationships are a lot of work and should not be taking lightly. Unfortunately, many “Doms” put out there from the very beginning that they want more than one sub. They may use the lifestyle as an excuse to sleep around.  They say things like, “I’m not like other Doms, my needs are very high and I need more than one sub to fulfill them.”  A sub should never feel pressured to go along with a polyamorous relationship. A Dom needs to prove they can take care of one sub before they expect to take another.

5.  They need money or gifts

These are usually scammers or “cat fish” types.  For example, they may really want to come visit, but need money for the plane ticket first.  Or they outright ask for money or expensive gifts for the sub to continue their “training” or prove their submission. I’m not talking about ethical financial domination, which usually comes after a long history of trust. But just remember that it is the Dom’s job to support the sub, not the other way around.

6.  Lies, cheats, or has other bad dominant traits

Lying or cheating are childish traits and not signs of someone with maturity and self-control.  If the dom is in a relationship already, and their partner doesn’t know they’re seeing someone else, this is a huge red flag. It’s selfish, and many will justify it because they’re not getting their needs met. A real Dom is more concerned about giving than receiving though. They may say they have tried telling their partner they are unhappy, but have they told their partner they are so unhappy that they have started cheating? A fake Dom avoids facing responsibility for their actions, and it will be very hard for a sub to trust a dom who lies or cheats.

7.  Doesn’t know or address BDSM basics

Many fake doms will say they’re experienced but don’t take the time with a sub to go over limits, safewords, contracts, or training.  They may not even know what any of these terms involve.  They might even make the excuse that since they are “experienced” they know what they’re doing and don’t need to go over limits, etc.  This is disregarding the foundation of BDSM, that everything be safe, sane, and consensual.  Every new relationship should at least have a discussion of the basics, and every sub has the right to speak up.

8. Focuses only on sex

This is probably the most common red flag.  A fake dom may seem only interested in sex, or focus mostly on sexual training. They may ask for nudes or sexual tasks right from the beginning for the sub to prove their worthiness.  This isn’t to say that it’s wrong if a BDSM relationship is only sexual, or if a couple is only Dom/sub in the bedroom.  But if a submissive is constantly wanting more than just a sexual relationship, it’s time to reevaluate things.  Other warning signs that the dom is only interested in getting their sexual needs fulfilled are if they give little or no aftercare.

9.  Uses intimidation with the sub

This can happen even in vanilla relationships and is a sign of abuse.  If a dominant keeps the sub from their family and friends, or tells them they aren’t a “real” sub if they don’t do something, this is dangerous manipulation.  A sub should also never be made to be fearful to use their safewords, and discipline and punishments should never be given out of uncontrolled anger.

Other Dominant Red Flags

There are other warning signs that someone is a fake or bad dom, such as:

  • Stops communication or pulls away without giving an explanation
  • Uses the sub as a maid so they don’t have to pick up after themselves (a sub is not their mother)
  • Always mentions they are an “experienced” Dom (they are probably trying to make themselves seem better than they actually are)
  • Extremely sadistic and takes scenes too far
  • Sends d*ck pics

How to Spot a Fake Dom

The easiest way to spot a fake dom is to get them to talk and see what they’re thinking.  A good idea is to ask them, “What does being a Dom mean to you?” Or “What does your training involve?”  Another thing a sub can do is ask for references from other subs or members in the BDSM community.  If a Dom refuses to give references or just says their past sub is “psycho”, that’s a red flag that they may be hiding something.

Fake Dom vs Real Dom Graphic

To make it easier for you to know how to spot a fake Dom, I created this graphic.  Feel free to share it to encourage others to know the signs of a fake dom vs real Dom.

Fake Dom vs Real Dom Fake Dom signs Dom red flags Dom sub warning signs Dominant red flags How to spot a fake Dom Bad dominant traits

Unfortunately there are a lot of fake or bad doms out there, but the good news is that there a lot of real Doms too.  I hope the biggest take away you get from this article is to use your instincts and trust your intuition.   Submissives, please remember the warning signs to look for and don’t be afraid to speak up.  You don’t have to settle, and you don’t deserve to.  And Dominants, know that being in this role is a big responsibility, and commit to being a good example for others in the community.

Please click the social icons below to share this article, and together we can start a healthy discussion and promote awareness.🖤

What are some red flags you’ve seen with fake doms? Chat with me in the comments.

Keep reading: Rules, rituals and protocols »