Total Power Exchange, Contract, examples, relationships, guide, online, agreement, TPE, meaning

Total Power Exchange Relationships: Ultimate Guide

When I was a beginner submissive, I was eager to make my new BDSM lifestyle a 24/7 agreement.  My Dominant and I had a contract, but I wanted to be a full-time slave, unable to ever be released.  We read online about Total Power Exchange relationships and we knew this was our ultimate goal.  I can proudly say we are now TPE. It has brought so much more meaning to our roles as Dom and sub. But making the switch wasn’t easy.  This guide will help you to not make the same mistakes we did. You’ll also see some examples of how to make it work.

Total Power Exchange, Contract, examples, relationships, guide, online, agreement, TPE, meaning

What is the real meaning of Total Power Exchange?

On the outside, a Total Power Exchange relationship can look like abuse. Sadly, a lot of subs can confuse the two.  TPE is not abuse.  Simply put, it’s an exchange where all authority is passed from the submissive to the Dominant.  It’s a consensual relationship where the Dom has absolute control, and can exercise that control however they see fit.  If you are unsure whether or not your relationship is TPE or abuse, let your instincts be your guide.  The goal should be for both partners to feel more fulfilled and taken care of.  And no matter what anyone says, the sub always has the right to get out of an abusive relationship.

Who is a TPE agreement good for?

Even though Total Power Exchange might look abusive to vanillas, it can bring incredible meaning and happiness to a Dom/sub couple.  I don’t recommend entering a TPE relationship unless you’ve known the person for a very long time, and you 100%, completely trust them.  This goes for both the Dom and the sub.  The Dominant should already be showing they respect their sub, and uphold the “safe, sane, consensual” principles of BDSM.  And the submissive should be mentally stable, and not using TPE as an excuse to be made weak.  After all, the sub can still make some of their own decisions and choices, if the Dom allows them to.

Can online relationships be TPE?

Online relationships most definitely can be Total Power Exchange, but to a degree.  Even though the sub gives up all their power, it will be hard for the Dom to exercise complete control over their sub’s life from a distance.  In these kinds of relationships, TPE will be more of a mindset, and the Dom will have to be extra diligent in finding ways to incorporate it into their lives.

You can check out my guide for online and long-distance relationships here to give you some ideas.

Examples of Total Power Exchange

Although a Total Power Exchange relationship can be any form of Dom/sub, like DD/lg, Owner/pet, or Boss/secretary, it is most likely a Master/slave agreement.  Just like in real life a Master has complete and total control over a slave, so it also is in TPE.  Here are some examples of what it can look like in BDSM:

  • Controlling the slave’s finances and career
  • Choosing the slave’s clothing, diet, and other aspects of day to day life
  • Establishing and enforcing non-negotiable rules and protocols
  • Using the slave whenever and however sexually

(Feel free to share your favorite examples of TPE in the comments below.)

Do you still need a contract?

Since the meaning of Total Power Exchange is that nothing prohibits the Dom from having all control, a contract might seem contradictory.  I don’t think that’s completely the case though.  A contract can lay out the fact that the relationship is a TPE agreement, and list the expectations and requirements of the sub still.  However since there usually aren’t safewords or hard and soft limits in TPE, these probably won’t be covered in the contract.

You can read my guide on contracts here for more examples of what you can include.

Even though a Total Power Exchange can be the ultimate goal for those who practice BDSM, it should never be rushed into.  If you wish to enter this type of arrangement, make sure you fully understand first the true meaning of it, and what is involved.  I don’t regret for one second entering a TPE relationship with my Dom, and I hope it can be successful for you too.

What challenges have you faced with Total Power Exchange? Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  How to make it work as a ‘Switch’

13 thoughts on “Total Power Exchange Relationships: Ultimate Guide”

  1. There should always be safe words, even in TPE. The sub should be trusted to use them if necessary, and even rewarded for doing so. That is what makes it all consensual. I allow my sub complete freedom of speech, so long as she is respectful towards me. She knows that while I value her opinions, and will always consider them, I always have the final say.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Christopher! Every relationship is different, and many TPE couples feel they trust each other enough to be open and honest without needing safewords. Other TPE couples I’ve talked to allow them, but not during punishments. So that’s why I said “there usually aren’t safewords”. I’m glad you allow your sub complete freedom of speech as long as it’s respectful. That’s a sign of a good Dom. 🖤

    2. I also say that safe words (or safe actions) should always be in place.

      However, my slave girl knows that:

      * Her thoughts are not important
      * Her wants are not important
      * Her preferences are not important
      * Her tastes are not important
      * Etc



      1. You’re totally right. A Dom should always take his sub’s feelings into consideration. It doesn’t mean he has to act on them, but she should know her feelings are important to him.

      2. May I ask you why you feel her thoughts wants and preferences are not important? I’m learning slowly to be my masters sub and struggling with understanding.

  2. Master and I are working my making our relationship a total power exchange. We have been together for 10 years and married for 6 almost 7. I am still struggling at giving up total power but I want to give it up. We are currently having trouble with training because we live an unusual like go begin with as he is a trucker. Any suggestions on training when he has no time to punish on a regular basis? We don’t use safe words because we don’t feel they are nessesary as we feel he knows my limits after 10 years together. Still struggling with proper training and giving up complete control as I have been encouraged to have an opinion most of our relationship any ideas on learning to give this power up?

    1. Hi Cristina! I cover the exact issue in detail of how to train and punish when you’re busy in Lesson 5 of Dom Sub Training. And the course has really helped other submissives like yourself to give up their power. But keep taking it one step at a time, and I can’t wait to hear what progress you make in the future! 🖤

  3. TPE is something that we’re working towards. We were introduced to a d/s lifestyle last year, and found that it was truly a fit for us. I’m a total sub through and through and my husband (of 20 yrs) is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. I had my doubts that he could truly be a Dom. But he has fully embraced his role and is a more confident leader in every aspect of our marriage as a result.

    The more we exchange, the more I crave to give to him. We’ve talked about a master/slave relationship (also listed as 100% on my BDSM test) and are taking baby steps to get there. Our first step was to learn more — so we just finished your course! 🙂

  4. My husband and I have been on and off D/s for 15 years. We are working towards TPE. I am a born leader and in my profession a coach so it’s REALLY hard for me to submit 24/7.
    I disagree about limits. I think every sub/slave should be able to voice limits.
    I have limits due to allergies or medical conditions.
    It would be dangerous if I had no limits.

    1. Hi Andi!

      Thank you for sharing. Even in TPE, a good Dom would always respect allergies, medical conditions, etc. A good Dom in a TPE arrangement would already know what the sub’s limits were. Just because a Dom can do whatever they want, doesn’t mean they should do anything and everything. That goes against the principles of safe, sane, and consensual. That’s why it’s EXTREMELY important to trust your Dom if you’re entering a TPE relationship. There should already be a past history there, and thorough knowledge of the submissive. I hope this helps to clarify! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *