Submissive Journal BDSM

The Ultimate Guide to Keeping a Submissive’s Journal

Submissive Journal BDSM

In the beginning of my BDSM journey, I thought keeping a journal was a very vanilla thing to do.  “Shouldn’t I just tell my Daddy all my innermost feelings and ideas?” I thought.  I didn’t think a journal would be that useful for a submissive, but my Dominant wanted me to keep one so I obeyed.  Here is what I’ve learned along the way, plus some writing prompts to get you started.  Also, make sure to download your free template here.

Why is a journal so important?

A journal is a submissive’s safe place to write down whatever they want.  In a life full of control and submission, it can be their only outlet to vent their feelings freely.  Journaling can be very therapeutic.  It also gives the Dom a glimpse into their sub’s mind so he can better understand her.  In order for this all to happen though, a sub should always feel safe to write anything in their journal without fear of being punished.  And if a sub is constantly asked, “Why did you write that?”, she’ll slowly stop writing for herself and more for pleasing her Master.  My journal has a list of rules at the beginning of it.  Here is a sample of it:

“Only the submissive can write here, unless she gives approval for the Dominant to respond in it.  All other responses of the Dom will be by email, text, or handwritten notes only.  The sub will not have to answer for anything she writes here, or be held accountable. The Dom can indirectly discuss any concerns he has but without referencing her journal.”

Journal rules and expectations can also be explained in a BDSM contract as well.

Ideas to get you started

The most traditional type of journal is a notebook, maybe kept in a sub’s nightstand where the Dom has access to it.  With technology now though there are a lot better alternatives.  I feel the best journal is a digital document that both parties share.  I keep a note on my phone entitled “Submissive’s Journal” that I have shared with my Dom.  The advantage to this is that he gets a notification on his phone as soon as I write a new entry.  That way I don’t have to wonder if he’s seen that I wrote something, and he doesn’t have to keep checking it.  You could easily do this in a Word or Pages document too.  If you are afraid someone else will accidentally read it you could also protect it with a password.  Journals can also be done online, or even as part of a blog.

Writing Prompts

Now that you know why to write and how to write, it’s time to figure out what to write. Basically a submissive can write anything they want as a reflection of what’s going on in their mind. If nothing is coming to you or you just need some fresh inspiration, here’s some examples to get you started:

  • What you like most about being a sub/slave/little.
  • The biggest challenges to being a sub/slave/little.
  • Positive things that happened during the day
  • Your favorite sexual things, or new things you want to try.
  • If you could change one thing about your current relationship what would it be
  • Read a post on domsubliving.com and journal your thoughts about it.
  • Your goals as a sub/slave/little
  • What you would tell your past-BDSM self

Of course one of the best ways to get ideas for journaling is for a sub to ask their Dom. I’m sure he would love to know his sub’s thoughts on many different subjects.

How often should a sub journal?

A submissive doesn’t have to journal every day (unless their Dom tells them to), but they should at the very least journal once a week. Journaling often can allow a sub to release their frustrations through writing, and it can keep them from acting out or behaving bratty.  It can catch and fix problems early. A sub shouldn’t only journal when they are upset and need to vent though. It’s also good for them to record positive things, so both the sub and the Dom can look back on their relationship with confidence.

A word for the Dom:

It is extremely important that your sub should always feel comfortable writing in their journal. It may be their only safe place they are allowed to vent, “cry”, or “scream”. If your sub senses that you are judging them because of what they write, they may begin to censor their entries. Even if your sub writes, “I hate my Dom,” resist the urge to ask why they wrote it. Remember, children and teenagers will often journal rebelliously, so your little is just expressing normal behaviors. Instead of confronting your sub, ask them later how they are feeling and if there is anything they think needs improvement. 

A well-used journal is a sign of a sub who feels comfortable and safe. Writing often is not only good for sub, but will help the Dom better understand the needs of the BDSM relationship.

How do you journal?  What are your ideas for prompts? Share in the the comments. 

Keep Reading: More ways to prevent bratty behavior »

 

16 thoughts on “The Ultimate Guide to Keeping a Submissive’s Journal”

    1. Bianca,
      That’s a great question! I don’t use a journal app. I use the “Notes” app on my iPhone. It has a setting to share it with someone so I share it with my Dom. It alerts him whenever I write in it. I’m not sure if you have Android, or a Mac or PC computer, but you could do the same thing in a document like Google Docs, Word, or Pages. I hope this helps!

      1. Thanks for the great article. I have a journal for my Dom to read, and I use Google Docs; however, it doesn’t give notifications of updates. Sad face!

        1. Oh no, HoneyRain! Super sad face! There are some workarounds with Google Docs though. If you click on “Add-ons” in the toolbar, then “Get add-ons,” there are a couple extensions you could try for your Dom getting notifications. One is “Folder notifications for Google drive,” and another is, “ezNotifications for docs”. I hope this helps! Good job keeping a journal. 🖤

      2. I am just stating to set up a journal. I’ve been looking at the traditional paper journals out there. I have a long commute to and from work via public transportation and I rather like the idea of a digital journal over a book type one. It would be less weight to carry in my bags and no worries of the journal getting wet, dirty, loosing pens, and I can always write in it as I always have my phone on me. I’ve been trying to set up the share in the notes on my iPhone. I haven’t figured it out yet. How do you set that up? Thanks bunches for all your help!

        1. No problem, Jackie, I can definitely help you out!
          First, open then notes app in your iPhone and make a new note. You can title it something like “Submissive Journal”. I like to write the day’s date and then my entry. I always put the newest entry at the top, in the same note, under the title. When you are ready to share, click the icon in the top right that’s a person and a plus sign. Send the note to someone either through a text message or an email. The person can now add your note to their Apple notes, and they will get a notification every time you modify it. Hope this helps, and let me know if you need any more help!

  1. I am in my very first Dom/sub relationship. We live in different towns and he is always asking me how I feel. I am very interested in keeping a journal, and he wants to have easy access to it. How do I go about being able to share it with him without fear of anyone else being able to have access to it? What apps are out there for this? I have an android phone as does my Dom.
    Thank you in advance for all of your help!

    1. Great question! My Dom and I use iPhones because we feel they’re more secure, but I think you can do basically the same thing on an Android phone. You would open the Google Keep app, tap the note you want to share, tap Action, tap Collaborator, enter a name or email address, and then in the top right, tap Save. Hope it works for you, and congratulations on being in your very first Dom/sub relationship! 🖤

    2. My sub and I are very pleased with Penzu. There are apps for both Android & iOS as well as the desktop version. The free version is more than enough for everything I ask of her but there is also a premium version which adds a few features

      The app has a password and adds an additional locking feature as well.

      Either of us can log in. While it doesn’t have a notification system for new entries, my sub responds every morning to prompts I leave.

      Hope that helps

  2. While in training my sir read my journal, got mad, used what he read as justification to take back my collar. (I was complaining about training repeatedly -which hurt him).

    I understood journaling to be truly safe space, so now I’m hurt and confused by his response. I’ve apologized and doing the things he’s requested to get it back, but am struggling.

    Next time, how can I make this better?

    1. Sarahito, I’m so sorry this happened to you! You are completely right that your journal should be a safe place and he shouldn’t have taken your collar back just because you were venting about your training. I think he should have communicated better, asking you how you thought the training was going. There’s nothing really that you could have done to fix this. Next time you vent in your journal, just maybe try to make sure you’re not attacking him. And be sure to bring up your concerns to him face to face, respectfully of course. But just looking at the situation on the outside, it seems like he doesn’t fully respect the purpose of a submissive’s journal. Stay strong, and I wish you the best on your BDSM journey!

  3. Im currently negotiating my very first dom sub relationship…He has asked me to keep a journal not only as a space to reflect but as a space he can gain knowledge and use it as his own guides to better training and a better insight to how my mind and emotions work. I must admit that sharing my inner most thoughts like that does scare me a little and I really dont know where to start with it as we are still at the negotiating stage…I was hoping you might have some thoughts on this…I am also in a vanilla relationship…What is the best way to avoid my partner or one of my children accessing my journal???

    1. Great question! To keep your journal safe and secure you can keep it on your phone in a password protected note or document. You can also give it a boring title, like “Shopping List”. That should keep out any curious snoopers. 😉

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