Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle. However, many submissive beginners are lost. They don’t know what the role entails. Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete. In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. How can they successfully meet the challenge? Let’s consider what it truly means to be a good sub.
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What a submissive isn’t
First and foremost, a sub is not a doormat. They have feelings and needs and so they shouldn’t serve apathetically or reluctantly. A real Dom wouldn’t want a doormat anyway. They want someone who truly desires to be owned.
Being a sub also isn’t consenting to being abused. Unlike BDSM, abuse has no limits or safewords. If you are a sub, be very careful not to give your submission to just anyone. True submission has to be earned first. There are many bad Doms out there, and even predators pretending to be Doms.
What is a sub?
The definition of a submissive is an obedient, compliant person who likes to give up control. They crave being used and need to serve. They are the subservient partner of a relationship and that is why “sub” is always spelled with a lowercase while “Dom” is always capital. A submissive can take on many different roles such as:
They strive to please their Dom in all things, not just sexually. This means that they may have to give up some of their own personal freedoms and preferences.
It is not uncommon for a sub to have a mild and quiet personality. They are obedient, and accept discipline when needed. Subs aim to conduct themselves in a respectful and modest manner at all times, recognizing that their behavior is a direct reflection on their Dom.
Challenges to being submissive
Subs are not perfect; they will mess up from time to time. There’s also the fact that in a 24/7 relationship there are stressors like full-time jobs and children. It can be hard to work on behavior modification and serving someone else when you are tired and pressed for time.
Also a test to many is being obedient even when not in the presence of their Dom.
One challenge I have had to overcome as a submissive is topping from the bottom. In the beginning I would rebel a little, or try to subtly undermine my Dom’s decisions. I’ve learned that instead the best and simplest response I can give is, “Yes, Daddy.” In the end it makes both of our lives so much easier.
How to be more submissive
A sub should always remember that they should be making their Dom’s life easier, not harder. Proactively thinking what the Dom needs in any given moment, and fulfilling it will bring him great pleasure.
One of the greatest ways a sub can do this is sexually of course, and so submitting to any requested act within one’s contract is a must. They should also try to obey rules to the best of their ability, but if discipline is necessary they should take it willingly.
Wearing a collar, even a discreet one in public, can help keep a sub in the slave mindset. They are property owned by someone else, and as such they are a representation of their Dom. This will cause a sub to take great pride in the health and presentation of their bodies. Ways they can do this are:
- Getting sufficient sleep
- Exercising regularly
- Eating a healthy diet
- Dressing properly
- Having good hygiene and grooming
True submission is not just a role, it is a way of life. Being a submissive means they are held to a higher standard, but it is all worth it. They will receive the ultimate gift of a Dom’s complete approval. ♥