Submissive girl collar sub woman

The Ultimate Guide to Being a Submissive

Submissive girl collar sub woman

Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle.  However, many submissive beginners are lost.  They don’t know what the role entails.  Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete.  In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually.  How can they successfully meet the challenge?  Let’s consider what it truly means to be a good sub.

What a submissive isn’t

First and foremost, a sub is not a doormat.  They have feelings and needs and so they shouldn’t serve apathetically or reluctantly.  A real Dom wouldn’t want a doormat anyway.  They want someone who truly desires to be owned.  Being a sub also isn’t consenting to being abused.  Unlike BDSM, abuse has no limits or safewords.  If you are a sub, be very careful not to give your submission to just anyone.  True submission has to be earned first.  There are many bad Doms out there, and even predators pretending to be Doms.

What is a sub?

The definition of a submissive is an obedient, compliant person who likes to give up control.  They crave being used and need to serve.  They are the subservient partner of a relationship and that is why “sub” is always spelled with a lowercase while “Dom” is always capital.  A submissive can take on many different roles such as:

They strive to please their Dom in all things, not just sexually.  This means that they may have to give up some of their own personal freedoms and preferences.  It is not uncommon for a sub to have a mild and quiet personality. They are obedient, and accept discipline when needed.  Subs aim to conduct themselves  in a respectful and modest manner at all times, recognizing that their behavior is a direct reflection on their Dom.

Challenges to being submissive

Subs are not perfect; they will mess up from time to time.  There’s also the fact that in a 24/7 relationship there are stressors like full-time jobs and children.  It can be hard to work on behavior modification and serving someone else when you are tired and pressed for time.  Also a test to many is being obedient even when not in the presence of their Dom.  One challenge I have had to overcome as a submissive is topping from the bottom.  In the beginning I would rebel a little, or try to subtly undermine my Dom’s decisions.  I’ve learned that instead the best and simplest response I can give is, “Yes, Daddy.”  In the end it makes both of our lives so much easier.

How to be more submissive

A sub should always remember that they should be making their Dom’s life easier, not harder.  Proactively thinking what the Dom  needs in any given moment, and fulfilling it will bring him great pleasure.  One of the greatest ways a sub can do this is sexually of course, and so submitting to any requested act within one’s contract is a must.  They should also try to obey rules to the best of their ability, but if discipline is necessary they should take it willingly.  Wearing a collar, even a discreet one in public, can help keep a sub in the slave mindset.  They are property owned by someone else, and as such they are a representation of their Dom.  This will cause a sub to take great pride in the health and presentation of their bodies.  Ways they can do this are:

  • Getting sufficient sleep
  • Exercising regularly
  • Eating a healthy diet
  • Dressing properly
  • Having good hygiene and grooming

True submission is not just a role, it is a way of life.  Being a submissive means they are held to a higher standard, but it is all worth it.  They will receive the ultimate gift of a Dom’s complete approval.  ♥

What challenges have you or your partner faced with being a sub? Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  The Ultimate Guide to Being a Dominant »

17 thoughts on “The Ultimate Guide to Being a Submissive”

  1. Thanks for this info. As a sub I struggle with being a sub outside of the bedroom. I’m a confident, independent strong person but I love pleasing Sir in the bedroom. I’ve fought very hard to be the person that I am today. Being completely subservient feels like a betrayal to that battle and the person I’m now proud to be. Any advice for carrying that over to the everyday?

    1. Thank you so much for reading! It can be hard to take the submissive personality out of the bedroom and into everyday life. You can still be a confident, independent, and strong individual and still be a sub. Just remember: you are not weak. You are the one choosing this lifestyle for yourself. Your submission is a gift that only you have the power to give. If being completely subservient feels too scary at first, start small. Work on keeping your words and demeanor respectful to your Master. Give hime the opportunity to make choices for you. I’m sure you will see how empowering choosing to obey is. It will get easier with time, and soon you will begin to crave more and more. I hope this helps, and thanks again for stopping by!

    2. Georgia, I too struggle with this. I’ve been out of the lifestyle for a while, and was much less goal-oriented and successful than I am now. It was easier to be a sub when I was not so confident and independent. I’m trying to remember I do this in order to relinquish control BECAUSE I feel too in control in my work life. I do it to feel owned because it fills a hole in my life, to feel someone depends on me entirely for their pleasure because I feel whole when I please someone. It’s a daily struggle, but that’s part of why I do it as well, because I like a challenge.

  2. I really enjoyed reading this. I was out of the life style for awhile but then met a man with similar desires and much knowledge. I am finding it hard to go back to the role while we are apart but as with anything I know this takes time to accomplish. Thank you for this article..

    1. Angie,
      Thank you so much for your comment! It can be very hard to stay in our role as a submissive, and you’re right that it will take time. What matters most is that you don’t give up and that you keep trying to give your Dom your best. I’m happy for you to be back in the lifestyle again. 🖤

  3. It was very hard for me. Im in learning process my Dom make me a face bondage and I had a panic atack. It was very hard heard from my Dom you fail. Now we are working on it but was so hard it was my first training. any recommendations?

    1. Face bondage can be really hard. I recommend trial runs where you practice your safeword so you know you can get out of it as soon as you need to. Slowly increase your time. If it still gives you panic attacks it may be something that is a hard limit for you. And that is completely OK! A good Dom may push your limits, but they would also know when limits should not be pushed.

  4. Hi I’m new to being a sub also my Dom who is my partner of 2 years who is also new to being a Dom we have a contact , but we had a break when he got into being a ddlg now she is his sub .. as I said we have our hard soft limits some things I know she likes he has done to me like choking and face slapping as I’ve said that’s not on my list .. am I right to tell him this ?
    Then he sent a photo of a woman taped in gafftape saying sir would rather me to thst Can I tell him I don’t want to do it if it’s not in my hard soft limits. Any advice is welcome

    1. Sharon, of course you can tell him you don’t want to do it! It doesn’t have to be an official hard or soft limit. Especially when a couple is new things may come up that aren’t in your original contract. And a contract isn’t meant to cover every single act. You can verbally tell him it’s a hard limit, or use your safeword when he brings it up. Explain to him why you don’t want to do it. As a Dom, he should respect that.

  5. Hi, I’m trying to get into the lifestyle but I don’t know the first steps I should take. Do you have any advice? I’m really interested and have done some research and I feel like it would be the lifestyle for me. Thanks in advanced!

    1. Hi Meghan! Getting started in the lifestyle can be challenging, but you’re not alone! The above article and cheat sheet can help you get into the mindset and help you focus on your new identity. If you want to progress more you can find a partner to start enjoying the lifestyle more fully. I have tips plus step-by-step guides in my structured training program, Dom Sub Training. It can help you find a genuine partner and make BDSM a way of life. Keep working at it, and I can’t wait to hear what progress you make in the future!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *